The Hidden Truth

We've encountered a few changes in the past several months. Listing, selling, packing, and moving from the only home my children knew. Finding, buying, and closing on a new home that Connor and Blake have yet to experience. Moving in with two very VERY generous friends, their dog, and three children while we wait to take posession of our new home while Echo vacations at her BAM & Papa's house across town. Oh yeah, and starting Connor in his new school.

It seemed to make sense: start Connor in his new school this week and move into our house next week. One change at a time. This is a new idea to our family as we typically do everything at once. We subscribe to the "more is better" philosophy when it comes to making major life changes. The more things that you can do at one time, the better, right?

All weekend we talked to Connor about his new school. His new friends. His new teachers. And the new toys to play with.

Connor and I, hand-in-hand, walked into his new school on Monday. I held my breath as we crossed the threshold and counted to three...one....two....three. We were in. No tears yet. Connor was still in good spirits and talking non-stop about his new friends and the new toys on the playground.

We proceeded to enter his classroom, talk with his teachers for a few minutes, and meet a few of the kids in his class. One kid, Micah, was particularly welcoming. He grabbed a dinosaur and brought one to Connor. They instantly started laughing and attacking each others dinosaur. I held Nunu close to Connor because I knew that he needed all of the comforting and familiar items on a challenging day like this.

I even took the liberty of introducing Micah to Nunu.

"Hey Micah, this is Connor's fried, Nunu."

Micah thought for a second and replied, "Oh, ok." He then pointed to Connor and said, "Hey, he's NEW too!"

They were instant friends and continued their intense game of Dinosaur Wars.

After giving Connor the most loving and comforting hug and kiss that I could, I told him that I had to go to work and that I'd see him after he played and ate lunch and took a nap. His tears were instant and he said, "Mommy don't leave me! I will miss you. I want to go home!" I knew it. I just knew that this was too much for him to handle. Too much and all at one time. What were we thinking?!? Just because Dennis and I were handling it perfectly, we couldn't expect a 3 year old to be able to handle all of this, too. I felt like a failed parent and a bad mom.

After I finally separated myself from Connor, the tears started to fall down my own cheeks. Then they started to come even faster. Before I knew it, I was losing it. And this was all before 9AM on a Monday morning.

The Director of the school saw me and asked if I would like to go to her office for a few minutes. I told her no, that I was OK.

A teacher from a different class walked by and said, "Oh...is this the first day you are bringing a new baby to school? I know it's so hard but I promise it'll get better...."

I responded that no, I was leaving my 3 year old for the first time at that school.

"Oh, is it his first day in school? Has he never been in day care or school before?"

"No..it's not his first day in a school. He's been in school for several years. A different school. And he's very social, he just loves all of his friends. And he's funny. He's hilarious, actually, and always wants to be first in line. You see, we just sold the only home he knows and bought a new home. AND we're staying with friends. It's just so much change. And it's all at once. He's having a hard time with all of this. I know he'll do well, I just know he will. It's just so much....so much going on right now. He said he wants to go home."

The Director for the school overheard this and asked me to please follow her. She waited until Connor was looking the other way, and told me it was OK to peek through the glass into his classroom to see him.

She smiled and looked at me. "He's OK. He's not even crying anymore. Look, he's playing with Micah and laughing..."

Oh, what a heavy weight was lifted from my heart in that moment. He WAS doing well. And he even looked like he might be having fun.

As I walked to my car with make-up smeared across my face, I came to an important realization: Connor is doing just fine. He is handling all of these changes amazingly well. So well, in fact, that he could probably teach his mom a few things...

Happy 10 Months!

June 19, 2012

Dear Blake (or “Blakey”, as Connor calls you),

Wow, has it been an eventful month. Not only did you go on your first beach trip last week to Pensacola, but you are crawling on all four’s and trying your best to get up and run. You pull yourself up on anything that is within your chubby little arm’s reach. The sweetest sound is your laughter when you pull up or are holding my hands as you learn to walk. You are so proud of yourself and I can’t help but smile.

Cheerios is a new favorite food of yours. You get so excited to put those in your mouth… it did take quite a few tries to master picking up the small little “o” and getting it all the way into your mouth, though. Let’s just say that Echo is your new biggest fan.

You keep us busy. Your daily antics include crawling, pointing, laughing, smiling, saying “ba-ba” and waving goodbye when we leave the room, bobbing your head back and forth when we say “Blake, it’s your turn” or “boop-boop-boop”, and your interest in everything – and I mean EVERYTHING – your big brother is doing. You are mastering the pouty bottom lip and man is it a sad look when you couple that with your big alligator tears! One thing that you aren’t busy doing is GETTING SOME TEETH! Your BAM jokingly asked when we need to talk to a pediatric dentist about dentures for you.

 

You couldn’t be more loved. It is evident by how your grandparents and AK doted on you and Connor all last week at the beach. You would think that you two were the only two people in the world when they are around….They spoiled both of you and you were incredibly happy until I left the room. Then, well, all hell broke loose. As long as I was within an arm’s reach, you were happy. Once I disappeared from sight…well, let’s just say that I didn’t let that happen more than once.

The quiet mumblings that will soon turn into words are one of my favorite things about you. It’s like you are telling us something nice, a song, maybe. Who knows? Maybe Dumbo told you a funny story as you cuddled with him or the Glow Worm last night. Either way, please don’t stop. It’s a wonderful sound.

This is your last month in the house on Vinery Lane. I know it isn’t sentimental to you but it is to me because it’s the only home you’ve known. It’s the house where your dad and I brought home two very special people. So special, in fact, they seem to run our lives lately.

 

I love you.

Thank you for being you!

Love,

Mama

XOXOXOXO

Vacation Redefined

Dennis and I looked forward to our beach "vacation" last week since it was made official 6 or 7 months ago.  What we didn't anticipate was that we would decide to list, sell, and close on our current house the week after the trip to Pensacola Beach. 

Managing our expectations is a new item in our tool box of life.  Dennis and I mistakenly thought that a trip to the beach with our parents and my sister would be "beach time" as usual...but it wasn't.  The long days sitting on the beach, reading books, drifting in and out of sleep, and sipping adult beverages are long gone.  Something wonderful has replaced them, yes, but those days still have a special place in my heart. 

We replaced those fun days with early wake up calls at 5:30AM (the kids decided not to cooperate with CST and preferred to stay on their EST schedule...5:30AM in Pensacola equates to 6:30AM in Atlanta).  And, the townhome we rented was a nice size but when Blake and Connor wake up, EVERYONE wakes up. 

I did chug a few Smirnoff Ice 24 ouncers but that was the closest that I came to leisurely drinking adult beverages. 

I do remember that it was Dennis' rotation to go to the beach for a little while and my comment to him was this: "the kids are down for a nap.  Hurry up and relax at the beach.  See you when you get back."  HURRY UP AND RELAX. 

Connor loved playing in the white sand on the beach ... until his ears started to bother him.  Yes, he got an ear infection while we were there.  Then it was like the "terrible three's" took a dose of steroids and everything was a battle with him. 

Blake loved letting NO ONE hold her except for her Mama for the majoirty of the trip. 

The bright side is that the kids loved being surrounded by their family.  Nana, Papa, BAM, Papa Martin, and AK showered the kiddos with attention and love the entire trip.  And I loved being able to spend Fathers Day with my most-favorite dad.

Oh, wait, there was one relaxing part for me:  we were going back and forth with the underwriter for the mortgage on our new house and so I had to go to Office Depot on numerous occasions to print, sign, scan, and fax documents back and forth to him.  I think Office Depot may have saved my vacation by giving me a few minutes of relaxation.  That and the fact that the urgent care clinic was right next door to it so we wouldn't have known where to take Connor otherwise. 

Pensacola was beautiful....and luckily we had beautiful weather while we were there.  It was great out on the beach and in the waves...or so I hear. 

TOTAL CHAOS is our new 'normal'.  I'm not complaining, I'm just saying....

Stay Tuned....Will Return Soon

Packing, shopping, buying, selling, loving, birthday partying, laughing, crying, moving, vacationing, working, planning, growing.

Living.

In Case You Missed It

In case you missed it, I'm now famous.  Er, well, not famous, but I'm not NOT famous anymore, right? 

Over promise and under deliver

This is what the box promised. 

And this is what it delivered. 

Connor never passes up an opportunity to have fun, so he played in the mini-sprinkler as if it was the best thing he'd ever seen.  Then, we REALLY amazed him and hooked up the serious sprinkler. 

The afternoon started out with Connor in his shorts, water shoes and underwear.  The afternoon ended with Connor in his water shoes.  We did nothing to encourage this behavior, I promise.  Looks like we might be the parents with "that kid" at the pool...

The Listing

So here it is.

We listed our house shortly after Cinco de Mayo. Some people remember when events occur based on oh, say, the birth of a child. Nope, I remember dates based on margaritas.

We put our house on the market and the first people to see the house made an offer on it. We went back and forth and back and forth with counter offers until we finally settled on an unsettling thing: we were selling our house at a huge loss. The price we agreed upon was fair, based on what other houses in our neighborhood are selling for, but that didn’t make it any easier.

Feeling like selling the house with a big loss in every way, I walked through our under-contract-house. And I looked out the windows at the squirrels in the back yard that torment Echo every day. If you had asked me a day earlier, I would have said that those squirrels drove me crazy. And the small backyard drove me crazy. The kitchen wasn’t big enough and the school district that we are in isn’t good enough. But now, looking through a different lens, I smiled at those squirrels. After all, they were “our” squirrels. And I started to reminisce about what this house has given us.

We moved into our house a year or so after we were married. No kids, just our sweet little girl, Echo. We have gone through the trials and tribulations of IVF and were thrilled to be able to bring home our two beautiful kids to this house. It’s the place where “Margarentals” was born and “Make Your Mark”. It’s the house where Connor hit his head on the wall and we rushed him to Childrens Hospital for stitches. It’s the house where we had a major water pipe burst in our front yard the day we brought Connor home from the hospital. We’ve had countless fun adventures with our neighborhood friends and have seen everyone change as their families grew. I remember months of “bed rest” when I was pregnant with Blake. I memorized every nook and cranny in the ceiling in our room. I remember Dennis’ 30th birthday and the “White Trash Birthday Bash” that was so much fun. (By the way, we never figured out who peed on the floor in our office during the party?)

Now, seven years later, the house feels like it’s busting at the seams. I’ve felt stressed at the busting-ness of the house but now, in this moment, I feel a sense of appreciation for what this house has given us. And how it has tolerated us and our sometimes crazy antics. So I’m learning that it isn’t what we’re leaving or what we’re giving up but rather it is a focus on what we now have and where are going, together, as a family. There’s really nothing wrong with the squirrels on the fence or the size of our yard. The kitchen is a fine size and it’s absolutely perfect for us pre-kids. It’s the perfect house for another couple and I hope that it brings them as much joy and happiness as we have had while we lived here.

We’re moving on and moving forward. We’re not really leaving anything behind but rather, we are taking a lot of treasured memories and great friendships with us.

Happy 9 Months

May 19, 2012

Dear Blake,

Your crawling progressed quite quickly. You started getting up on your knees and rocking back and forth a few weeks ago. Then you started to do this “flounder” thing where you’ll be on your belly and just flap your arms and legs around as much as possible. It’s like you are a fish stuck on dry land. Or maybe you are trying to fly. Now, though, your army crawl is your primary means of fast transport from one place to another. You just drop down onto your belly and off you go.

Between crawling, exploring the house with the aid of your walker and bouncing (even when we hold you), you are always on the go. Connor has started to get a little frustrated with how quickly you can get over to him and put your hands all over his toys. They must taste better than yours because you are always drawn to whatever HE is playing with rather than your own play things.

When BAM was feeding you one day, you two created this game of tilting your head back and forth. We now have sound affects (boop-boop-boop-boop) to go along with your head bobbing. If Connor, your dad or I do it first and then say, “Blake, it’s your turn”, you perform right on que. It’s so sweet and you absolutely adore the attention that it gets you.

These last photos are my favorites.  After I took a few pictures of you outside, I sat you down for two minutes so that I could warm your bottle.  You weren't too excited about waiting two minutes... or waiting at all, for that matter.  It's probably safe to say that you get your patience (or lack there-of) from your mom. 

I am not looking forward to your nine month appointment this week because I know that means more shots for you. Shots equate to big crocodile tears and I wish that I could do anything in the world to prevent you from having them roll down your sweet cheeks. You cry so rarely that when you do, it makes me stop and try to end whatever is causing you frustration or to be upset. Vaccinations, I’m afraid, are just a necessary evil that we both must deal with.

An interesting thing that will come out of the doctor visit will be an update on your growth. I have no doubt that you are growing faster than every other child on this planet (you are wearing 18-24 month clothes at present) but your teeth have GOT to make their debut sooner than later. I haven’t seen many one or two year olds with dentures, so I guess I need to relax about that but c’mon, where are those suckers?

Thank you for your incredibly sweet demeanor and those beautiful smiles. Your baby babble tells me that you have lots of important things to share…and I know that I’ll be hearing real words come out of your little mouth sooner than I realize. Thank you for being you.


I love you.

XOXO
Mom

A Pantry in Chaos

I started to fret as I was cleaning out our pantry this evening.  The fretting wasn't over the obvious (the fact that I am cleaning out my pantry on a Friday night), but instead it was about the lack of anything decent in our pantry.  As I tossed things into the garbage, I realized that the pantry is just like my closet upstairs:  cluttered with items that I don't wear, don't use, don't even like anymore so that it doesn't feel empty.  It doesn't feel organized but at least it doesn't feel empty. 

I still have the first suit that I purchased for a job fair my senior year at Mizzou. 

Up until 15 minutes ago, I still had some hot cocoa mix that was best if used by May 15 2008.  2008!

My fretting subsided as I looked up above the top shelf and saw a plaque hanging from the wall. 

And then I realized that it's OK if I'm not a perfect cook.  Or even a cook, at all, for that matter. 

I don't have to be perfect at everything....

The Second Game

Connor's soccer game was much more exciting this past weekend.  The jerseys helped a lot.  They were a little too big, but that actually makes it better.

He's my big little boy.