My Thighs Ate...What?

Miserable is the best word that I can think of to describe how I feel right now.  Emotional - - check.  Been down that road many times before (and can't even really blame it on being pregnant but I'm taking the high road and blaming everything that I don't like on this pregnancy) so there is nothing new there.  Back pain - - check.  Had that with Connor and I swear that Blake has lodged herself in the exact same spot on my right side that Connor did when I was pregnant with him.  It hurts on the top of my rib cage and if you put a spear through me (which sometimes sounds preferable), the exit spot is where I ache on my backside. 

Swollen feet.  Now this is new.  And, the word 'swollen' really does very little justice to the situation that I'm in.  Flinstone feet from the bottom of my toes all the way to my hips.  Apparently women can get "leaky veins" on a 2nd or 3rd pregnancy and that is one contributor to the phenomenon of being swollen waist-down.  Leaky veins, and a leaky bladder and then leaky boobs after the baby arrives.  The joys are just endless.  And...we did this on purpose? 

The phrase, "barefoot and pregnant" meant very little to me until this past Friday.  I am now not only wearing flats (gasp!) but I am wearing my slippers.  Leopard print slippers.  And they make quite the statement when coupled with my work attire.  Or, any attire outside of the house, actually.  They are brown AND black, so I guess my purse will match my shoes regardless of which one I grab.  And, being 100% honest here, if I grabbed a purple purse on the way out of the house, I wouldn't even notice.  Nor would I care.  Things like that don't even register for me anymore. 

What HAS started to register for me, though, is jealousy.  I am jealous of almost everyone I see.  Especially people that can bend over and pick things up or that can move quickly.  Have you seen them? They are everywhere. 

I've even overhead people say that they can eat full meals and no one kicks it back up immediately thereafter.  It's weird - all of these strangers doing things that I can only dream about.  I bet they sleep comfortably through the night, too.  Unbelieveable!  Now, I hope you are sitting down for this one because it is really out in left field.  I've heard people talk about having a little too much to drink the night before AND I AM FRIGGIN JEALOUS of the headache they have the next day. 

And then I remember:  I only have 7 weeks left.  Oh, that's not so bad.  But it is.  I imagine this huge, oversized countdown clock... it's a humongus kitchen timer   s l o w l y   moving along.  Moving so slowly, in fact, that the movement is not detectable.  It might as well be moving backwards.  I need a seconds hand or a minute hand.  I don't care if we're measuring months, here, people, I need to know that we're getting closer to this little one's arrival.  I NEED to know.

I love her and cannot wait to meet her.  I also cannot wait to be re-introduced to the tendons on my feet, to realize that my thighs may not have actually eaten my knees, and being able to bend over on a whim.  All of these sound glorious.  GLOR-I-OUS.  So c'mon, Blake, let's go. 

Some people claim to just l-o-v-e being pregnant and you must be very mindful of those people.  I mean it.  They aren't real.  Aliens of some sort.  And they can't be trusted.  Throw these people in the same basket as those who don't drink (EVER), and be on your way.  There is something so not-right about them that you are best to avoid them at all costs. 

An equally dangerous person is the incredibly emotional and hormonal pregnant woman.  Especially those wearing leopard slippers and holding a purple purse.  If one waddles over to you and catches your attention, the best method of escape is to pretend that everything is OK and that you are not fearing your life.  Wait just a few minutes.  She will inevitably make a dash to the bathroom.  Take this opportunity to flee.  YOU MUST SAVE YOURSELF.  If her thinghs ate her knees, there's no telling what they may eat next....