Saturday, June 27, 2009

When I Least Expected It

It started last week when I was feeding Connor and watching Oprah. And then it continued while I was talking with a co-worker on the phone. I didn't expect it and no one warned me that it would sneak up on me like it did. But, it happened and I am still here to talk about it, so I guess that is what really matters.

Oprah was interviewing several mothers on her show. They were talking about how easy it is to get so overwhelmed with normal, everyday life. And how easy it is to be so preoccupied that small things often get overlooked. Unfortunately, the small things that were being overlooked were this lady's children. She accidentally left her daughter in the car - for 8 hours - and she died because of the heat.

Then, when I was talking with my friend and co-worker last week, I realized that life goes on at work without me. I know it's a total shocker - and believe me, I was more surprised tha anyone when this thought entered my mind. She was talking about the things that are taking place right now with work and I had the realization that our conversation sounded just like one that I had with her 6 weeks ago ... and one that I had with her 6 monthis prior to that. I now see that work is important, but not nearly as important as I previously thought. It's not worth stressing about and spending time away from Dennis (or Connor) in the evenings to do computer work. It'll be there tomorrow. And the next day. And it's not like I won't get it done.

Connor has undoubtedly helped me to realize my unimportance at work. I absolutely love spending so much time with him right now. And, you may want to sit down for what I'm about to say next because I wouldn't have believed it if someone told me this prior to Connor's arrival. While I don't enjoy the actual waking up in the middle of the night to feed him, once I see his sweet face, it's suddenly OK that I'm up at 2am, 3am, or whatever time. It's OK because this is what is important. Dennis has tried to impress this upon me in the past but now it is really sinking in. Work and sleep have moved down on the priority list. Dennis and Connor (and Echo, of course!) are what matter most.

To prove it, these are a few photos that I took BEFORE 8AM last week. Now that is not something that I would've been able to say 4 weeks ago.


Katie said...

What a precious, precious boy. Now you understand how "stay-at-home" mommies become "stay-at-home" mommies!!!! Some women can not make that work/home transition as well as others. You will find a wonderful balance though, I know you will. Children are amazing and they change your lives (and mind) for the better but no one could ever totally explain have to experience it. I am so happy for you both.

JLA Community Placement Chairs & Co-Chairs said...

Was your co-worker you were having this conversation with the sexy blond one?!?
I don't want you to feel stressed one bit about what you are "missing" at work and by god I will have the exact same conversation with you every week if that makes you feel better :-)

Trish said...

This post is so, so true! I actually saw that same Oprah and had similiar feelings. If you would have asked me back in December what my return to work plan was, I would have said I am going back to work full time after my maternity leave. I never in a million years would have thought I would have wanted to stay home...and guess what??? I'd give up my entire career to stay home now if given the opportunity. Of course, it is not an option for us right now, but I never thought I would be the type to say that, but I didn't know until he was here and until I experienced being a mom. My compromise, of course, is to go back part-time which is PERFECT for me right now. But I do understand wanting to enjoy and be in every moment with little Kahn. And he has recently started sleeping through the night, and another thing I never thought I would say...I kind of miss my little dates with him in the middle of the night. Of course, it's nice getting a full nights sleep but I got used to feeding him in the middle of the night and getting to kiss him another million times at 2am. I miss that now! Babies definitely change you and make you realize what the really, really important things in life are. So enjoy your maternity leave and this very special time with Connor!

allison said...

So so matter how exhausted you are, their sweet little faces make it all worth it. Love every minute being a mommy!