If The Shoe Fits

I love having new clothes but I hate going through the process of figuring out what will fit and what is in style. I am telling you, I need a personal shopper!! Typically, my frustration comes from the fact that it's hard to know if something is going to fit by just looking at it.

Wouldn't life be SO MUCH BETTER if there was a way to KNOW if something was going to fit that didn't require you to go through the exhausting process of undressing, trying it on, and then putting your clothes back on? I mean, SERIOUSLY. This is the 21st century, folks.

Wait, there is a way. Dennis learned something very interesting today: The circumference of your neck is half of your waist size. So, if you hold up a pair of jeans and wrap it around your neck and the jeans touch, it is highly likely that the jeans will fit. (For you male skeptics out there, do the math: what neck size do you get for your dress shirts? Take the number and multiply it by 2 and viola! you have your waist size.)

Amazing, right? If you want to know if shoes will fit, simply compare the length of the shoe to the length of your forearm (from the bend of the elbow to the bottom of the wrist). If they are the same, you are good to go and don't even need to try the shoes on.

FINALLY. MY LIFE IS COMPLETE.

And, for you traditionalists out there, just go ahead and keep trying on your jeans and shoes. I'll be the person in the corner with jeans wrapped around my neck laughing at you.