Tuesday, March 3, 2009

A Tax on People Who Didn't Pass Their Statistics 101 Class

While Dennis and I may not fit the stereotypical lottery player profile, we do have fun playing every once in a while. Don't get me wrong, it has to be worth it. It can't just be $1 - $2 million. Nah, that's pocket change. It has to be some BIG bucks.

Tonight we are planning on winning the Mega Millions jackpot. It's somewhere in the range of $200-$225 Million. We have a tentative outline of what we'd spend the $$ on (below) but we have agreed that we'd need to take an immediate vacation to some private beautiful beach for a few weeks so that we could let the news sink in and decide how we should spend the money. And enjoy our newfound independence.

First, our charitable giving would go this direction...

3. ASPCA. All humane society's nation-wide would have the funding needed to spay and neuter their animals to prevent us from having more pets than we have homes for them (Bob Barker had a very good point!)

And we'd obviously have a lot of fun with the money, too...

4. Our parents would be retired. Immediately. And they'd each have a beach house.

5. A golf tournament for the boys (Dennis said this would include his top 10 friends so you may want to kiss up a little bit to make sure you make the cut.) This would include flights to Pebble Beach Golf Course where prizes would include cars, golf clubs, cash and vacations. Prizes would be given for the shortest drive, closest to the pin, ugliest outfit, etc...

6. I'd take all the girls to some exotic spa where we could shop, get beautiful, shop, and relax. And drink a lot of wine.

7. I'd have everything personal. A personal trainer. A personal chef. A personal shopper. Maybe I'd even have a stunt double that could go to events and things that I don't want to go to but need to attend. Yes, I want a stunt double. Dennis and Echo could have stunt doubles, too.

8. We would buy a new car. Or five. Dennis said the "family truckster" would be the fully loaded BMW X5.

9. We love our neighbors but we'd probably move. We'd buy a beach house, a house in Missouri (who doesn't want a vacation home there?), and a much larger house in Atlanta. Maybe we'd buy houses in all those places for our neighbors, too.

10. We'd quit our jobby-jobs but find another pass time. I'd probably volunteer to help animals in some shape or fashion. Dennis would do something golf related. Maybe we'd work together and help animals learn to play golf.

What would you do if you won the Mega Millions jackpot tonight? (Don't worry, we already have the winning ticket. Just imagine, though...what would you do? Where would you go?)


Katie said...

Oh those are good and Phil and I are SO looking forward to the golf tourney and spa trips. Samantha will need a piece of the pie as well.....Dennis could keep his Tiffany's tradition with her if that suits him. :)

OK, I would:

1. open a SAFE school for under-privledges kids offering all the things and support they need for FREE! I would be so rich that I could make all the rules and pay the teachers WELL...shocker! Happy teachers = happy kids.

2. I would build an addition onto our turn-out homeless shelter downtown so it would not be a turn-out and could accomodate MORE people in this crappy economy.

3. Let Phil retire and open an outdoors store or whatever kindof store he wants. He would NEED to go somewhere everyday but just not need the stress of having to work SO hard just to make ends meet for the 4 of us.

4. Pad our parents/bros/sis's bank accounts.

5. Pay off college for my babies! Oh and build a library or something at each of their schools. You know the kid's with the buildings named after them get special perks and stuff. :)

6. Pimped out Volvo SUV for me and that little mercedes thing Phil likes for him. Oh and a jeep for phil for the weekends.

7. House on the St. John's River with a boat, pool and dock.

8. Get lasik and invisilign.

9. wow, there are so many!!!! Take the kids on some really cool vacations :safari, hawaii, etc. oh and take along some friends and their kids for fun.

10. put some in savings i guess. haha

11. Pay for the BEST wedding ever for my best friend.

I guess I better go buy a ticket when the kids wake up. I have way too many things I want to do....

Josh M. said...

Screw all that charity crap. It would be all about me and my upper middle class friends. Woot!

I would probably be in and out of the USA for awhile, constantly traveling from continent to continent, hitting all of them - even Antarctica.

I've always said I'd want to buy a subdivision of million dollar homes - then give a house to each of my friends. And we'd have some kick-ass commons area to cook out, raise kids, light cigars with hundred dollar bills, make fun of poor minorities, etc. Martins, I think you'd make the cut, but only because nobody makes fun of poor people like y'all do.

Krista said...

Great ideas! Dennis and I would probably have incorporated a few of those into our plans HAD we won earlier this week.

Katie - we would send our kids to your private school! Absolutely! :)

Josh - I want to live "on your block"!

Emmy said...
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Emmy said...

Hilarious! Chris and I always fantasize about how we would handle winning the lotto! Although I guess you do need to play in order to win huh? Unless the new X5 has improved I will try and talk you out of it. It is awful in terms of a family car! Our lease is up and I am happy to get a car better suited for our needs! Can I be included on the girl's trip even though we never get the chance to hang out? I would love to catch up :). I miss our pool side conversations oh so long ago :(.

Meimi said...

I'd do all the other stuff above, plus buy a huge block of 50 yard line seats in Sanford Stadium, plus a sky suite for when it was rainy or cold. I'd also buy a huge chunk of campus for us to tailgate on and permanently outfit it with tents, grills, televisions and coolers full of beer. And hammocks. Definitely hammocks.

Krista said...

Yes - more pool side conversations and the opportunity to REdefine what it means to tailgate! We'd tailgate Hartman style!